Either you say 'why' me or you come out & say 'because' me

"Either you say 'why' me or you come out & say 'because' me." Esther Perel

Esther is a Belgian psychotherapist and NYT best selling author. Her parents were the only survivors of their families following the holocaust. Left alone to live the lives their families never would.

In a recent interview Esther describes how many people in that situation would ask why me?

Why did this happen to me?

Why am I the only one?

So many of us get caught up in focusing on the tragedy of our circumstances. How wronged we were. The injustice of it all. The pain, the suffering, the hurt. All valid emotions & thoughts given what life can present to us.

However Esther poses an alternative way to look at trial and trauma.

Instead of asking 'why' me she suggests we ask 'because' this happened to me how am I now going to live my life? Because this happened to me how will I turn tragedy into triumph.

There is no better response to setbacks than using them to set you up for success.

Esther is the first to acknowledge the difficulty in doing this, as am I.

In my own experience my strike rate with turning past trials & hurts into triumph is far from perfect.

We all need time to grieve but this should be a temporary camp not a permanent resting place.